Archive | March, 2011

What gives you hope?

28 Mar

 

So? What gives you hope?

I’ve gotta admit, I’ve been struggling for a little while. Can’t quite seem to get myself back to where I like to be. Not sure where I went off the tracks…car troubles, bankruptcy, divorce, health, worries, stress. It all seems to be gaining on me lately. I haven’t really been giving anything my all…too scatterbrained.

And I’ve been seeing posts on Facebook – commercials on TV – all sorts of things that make me stop for a moment, and really start to question what’s up. It is so easy for me to get caught up in the moment. And so much easier for me to stay there, like a record stuck in a groove, replaying over and over again. I know I’ve got some of that going on. Just can’t seem to get the skip going.

I know how to get there…gratitude. And I was seeing glimpses of that today. Grateful that I wasn’t on the receiving end of a workforce reduction. Thankful for my fabulous children with whom I had a spectacular weekend. Glad the utilities are still on today, and hopeful that they will be tomorrow. (Really gotta tackle the laundry).

So what gives you hope? I know it is hope that keeps me going. That at some point every day won’t be like today. At some point things will be better. They already are monumentally better than they were only five years ago. Some days it is hard to imagine. But hope keeps me there.

 

Photo Credit

Mental Health Day

23 Mar

Greetings all – taking today off from the “day job” for mental health after yesterday’s doctor visit and biopsy. Working on gathering up my strength and getting back to normal. A day on the couch wrapped up in a blankie is just what I ordered. Today is rainy and cold too, so what better day to sleep in and lounge in blanket-land.

Today, in addition to laying on the couch, I’ll be searching for more great quotes. I’m really enjoying the quotes I’ve been posting on Facebook. If you have a favorite uplifting quote you’d like to share, please do! info@blanketstatements.org

Right after the pie

17 Mar

 

I seem to be getting into an every other day blog posting kind of routine. Yesterday was quite a day. Got my car back finally. Cost WAY too much money, but still not enough to justify scrapping it. Especially since my beloved sun roof is still operational. Made the first installment payment on the bankruptcy/divorce proceedings. Still seems oh-so-very-wrong to need to save up money to pay for bankruptcy. Sat through a board of ed meeting so contentious that it made the Los Angeles Times, if you can believe that. And we are no where near Los Angeles. We’re in Chicagoland.

Those meetings are just draining. I commentate a live video stream on the web. It is another freebie volunteer deal. And some days I really question why I do it. I am usually an emotional wreck when they are over. And the rudeness of people in the audience was just astounding. Yelling stuff out at the board. Ugh.

Also spoke with the doc today and yes, I am to come in early next week for a biopsy again. I looked up some past blogging and found out it was two years ago (almost to the day) when I was first given the pre-cancer scare. Since then I’ve been fine, but it looks like it is back again. I’m going to make an attempt to not think about it too much. It will still be several weeks before the results are in anyway.

And in other news, I’ve got a HUGE trek to make up Mt. Washmore. With all the car issues over the weekend I’ve neglected laundry time and since I have a kid-free night I’m gonna get busy on all those little chores I’ve put off.

Right after I finish off the cherry pie.

It goes something like this…

15 Mar

 

The boy: I’m going out for track.

The mom: Cool. What are you doing in track?

The boy: I don’t know.

The mom: Will you be throwing the javelin? Or the javelina?

The boy: Is that Spanish for javelin?

The mom: No, it is a smallish southwestern pig.

The boy: Why would I throw a smallish southwestern pig?

The mom: I dunno. Just wondering.

 

It is never a dull moment hanging out with the coolest mom in the universe. And how cool is it that Javelin and Javelina are one letter away? It’s been an odd day.

Tuesday, right?

15 Mar

Well this week is going along better than last week. Nothing much has changed either, so here I am amazed at how outlook seems to play such a major role in emotions. I’m not sure why last week was so dreadful and this week, while equally dreadful in events, doesn’t seem to be eating at me quite so much.

So far this week entails my car in the shop for evaluation…haven’t even started repairs yet. I’m wondering if two days of evaluation is a sign of the enormity of the problem. I’m hoping perhaps they just decided to work on some cars with easier issues ahead of mine.

Had a slight scare with my paycheck this week from the day job. Almost looked like we might not get paid on time, which while not a catastrophe on the 15th, would have been a major, major problem had it occurred on the 1st. It reminds me to think kindly of those living paycheck to paycheck and to recall the saying “There but for the grace of God go I.” I am right there.

Also got a less than stellar report from the doctor today. Looks like a relapse of a situation from a couple years back. From the message it sounds like I will be back at the doc for a biopsy, but I will learn more on Thursday. Trying to keep a positive outlook until then…it is what it is and no amount of additional worrying will do anything now. (Note to self, stock up on tomatoes again).

In Blanket Statements business not too much is new. We’ve had oodles of people drop in from the Martha Stewart Dreamers Into Doers site, which I so greatly appreciate! I’m working on freeing up some time to delve into that site a bit more and see everyone else’s websites. And I promise to put together a post with links to great sites that are similar to our mission. I am also working towards switching suppliers for our fleece blankets. I found a great supplier in New England whose blankets are made in the USA, and that is really the direction I want to be going. I would like all of the blankets to be made in the USA and especially or organic eco-friendly materials/manufacturing.

This week I am also dropping off my first installment payment for personal bankruptcy/divorce. It seems awfully ironic that you have to have money to file bankruptcy. Note to people who are heading in that direction…make sure you check how much it costs for filing/attorney fees and start saving up. My attorney did mention he would take payments in house painting, or yard work. I may have to go that route! Here’s hoping that perhaps by the time I’m 50 I’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Always remember:

“Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position , or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character.” – William Arthur Ward

One of those weeks

13 Mar

This has just been one of those weeks. And strangely, it was one of those weeks for most everyone I came into contact with. The culmination of the week for me, though, was my car breaking down Friday night. It was perfectly fine driving over to the old house to talk to the boy. Had a decent conversation with the soon 2b ex, picked up some stuff, dropped off some stuff, chatted with my boy…all good until I went to leave. Car didn’t start on the first try. That’s odd, I thought. Just put a brand new battery in the car last week. Started up on the second try, though, so away I went. Only to go a half block and have the car start choking on me. Every time I tried to accelerate, the car died. Not so good. I was able to limp along back over to the boy’s school, and figured that would be the best place to break down since I do work for the district, and it was the weekend. I coasted into a spot and called one of my neighbors for help.

So the next morning we head back out there with another friend to see if we could figure out what was wrong with it. And to our surprise it started right back up! I drove it around the parking lot and all seemed dandy. So they followed me back towards home, but alas, it started choking up again, so I had to coast into another parking lot.

So my Saturday was basically, dealing with my car all over again. We waited for the tow to get to the mechanic for a couple hours, and there is where it remains. I guess I will hear tomorrow what the verdict is. Oh, and on top of that, my dryer stopped working. I was able to get that fixed back up though. Going to tackle Mt. Washmore shortly.

All in all, it could have been much worse than it was. I really need to keep that positive thinking going. I am blessed to have a car at all at this point, even one held together with duct tape. I have the best friends a person could ask for. I spent a good portion of yesterday with tears welling up in my eyes because of how desperate my situation feels sometimes, but also because I am so grateful for the support from my friends who are helping me every step of the way and make sure I don’t fail. I really don’t know what I would do without them.

Northwest Herald

13 Mar

In case you missed it…here is he wonderful news article on Blanket Statements in the Business Section of the Feb 25 Northwest Herald. I received a printed copy a few days ago and was surprised how big the article is. And two photos too!

Thanks to the Northwest Herald for picking up our story and doing such a great job with it! And to my new friend Colin Selbo at the Lake County Journal for writing the original story on Blanket Statements.

 

The journey

11 Mar

We are so often caught up in our destination that we forget to appreciate the journey, especially the goodness of the people we meet on the way. Appreciation is a wonderful feeling, don’t overlook it.
– Unknown

 

Posted that little gem on the Facebook page today. I stayed in from lunch and did some web searching for goodness. I have been consumed with news and politics and divorce and bankruptcy and bills and doctors and all things unpleasant this week. And it has really taken a toll on my spirit. Even with headphones on!

And in the shadow of all of that some wonderful things transpired too. I was tipped off to another entrepreneur site where I have connected with some wonderful women doing some wonderful work. If you are interested, please stop by the Facebook page and take a look at the wall posts for links to their pages. I think I will also put together a blog post on all of these wonderful people I have met so far in my new journey. But in the meantime, check out their links through Facebook.

I also had what a friend of mine calls my first “non-pity” repeat customer! Thanks to Marlene out in Cary for purchasing from Blanket Statements not once, but twice! I really, really appreciate it and hope you are loving your blankies. Those plush ones are very nice!

To wrap up my long annoying whining diatribe of a week: I am going to spend the weekend reflecting on all of the goodness around me. Spring is coming! If it doesn’t rain I am going to take some new photos of blankets for the website. I’d also like to do some more updates on the web as well. And get our next donation delivery ready to go. This time to A Safe Place in Lake County. If you haven’t noticed, I added a page to the website (on the Share page and the Resource page) celebrating the donations to Turning Point. I will put up a similar page for our Lake County donations too.

Thank you all for joining me on this journey. Your friendship is amazing to me.

So while I’ve got time…

9 Mar

I’ll post some more! Woot!

When I got married almost 20 years ago I was completely in the dark. About getting married. I had been disowned by my family and then finance and I decided to elope. To Boston. Some 1,000+ miles away. There are no books written on how to elope. At least there weren’t 20 years ago. Not a one. Believe me, I looked. Complete quandary about how you do it. Who do you call? I eventually copied ads and listings out of the Boston Yellow Pages from the library because I couldn’t find any other information. Looking back, I’m kinda wishing we would of opted for being married by the sea captain, but the Justice of the Peace we used was good too. It was a good time. An adventure, for sure.

Now that I’m getting divorced, I’m not really finding all that much helpful information either. There are lots of books on the subject…I’ve cleared out many a library shelf. Spent countless hours scouring the internet. But, I dunno, I still feel very alone in this process. I’ve come to find out there are a whole lot of people out there who are divorced that I didn’t know about. I guess when you’re in the middle of it you think you’re the only one who has faced these issues.

I guess I’m at that place where I wish there was a group of people I felt comfortable enough talking to who has been through all of this. The whole gamut. Divorce, bankruptcy, starting over, etc. Sometimes it is very overwhelming. Some days I’m on top of the world and revel at how far I’ve come. Some days I’m not sure how I’m getting up in the morning. And I wonder when I will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve always been a very private person. Certainly not a social person. Which is funny that I spend so much time on social networks…being a social entrepreneur. You’d think I’d find the anti-social network. lol Well, those of you that read, thanks for letting me babble. Tomorrow is another day.

In the meantime I’ll try to find something more entertaining to write about. Like squirrels perhaps.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

9 Mar

Did you ever hear that nursery rhyme/song “Monday’s Child?” I’m pretty sure I was born on a Wednesday. And being that it is Wednesday, I’m kind of not surprised by my quick spiral into a down mood. Didn’t start out a bad day…but not ending so good. I’m always interested in trying to figure out where things start to go awry, and how in the future I can best avoid doing the things I invariably do to bring about the blues.

The Good: had a good breakfast this morning! That is a rarity for me, I’ve never been a good breakfast eater…ever. My mom used to tell me to eat cake if I wanted to, just eat something. I never felt like eating in the morning. But today, I had breakfast and lovely conversation too. I was also tipped off to a website which I’ve been investigating and rather enjoying…lots of business info and lovely people sharing ideas. So that resulted in an increase in my Facebook followers and some more votes in the contest. Very good!

The bad: my day’s plans were disrupted by the cancellation of a meeting I was going to work for this evening. Work for is a rather odd way to put it….volunteer for is a much better description. It is certainly not a paid deal, and kinda something I’m not all that wild about doing, but for the betterment of my day job, I do it. Usually there is a set routine to these days…with a nice dinner, convo, setup and entertainment. (The meeting is the entertainment usually). Tonight, though, cancelled. Which means dinner is off, but I’m still stuck out here at work.

The ugly: My boy has a band concert tonight. That is a wonderful thing, but with the cancellation of the meeting (see above) that throws the band concert askew. The meeting (see above) was in the same building as the concert. At the same time, even. So my plan was to setup for the meeting (see above), and run down the hall to the concert. Watch the concert, run back to the meeting. It was all worked out. Now, not so much. My next big plan was to pick up the kids and take them to dinner in between work time and concert time. Woo-hoo! Kids are excited they get to be spared of the husband’s girlfriend, and get fast food to boot. Until I checked my bank balance. That plan suddenly went out the window. No funds. Well, there are funds, but they are slated to pay for daughter’s Advanced Placement test that needs to be paid on Friday. And I remembered paying a big chunk to the boy’s Washington trip. Thus I am wiped out until next Tuesday.

So now I am sitting here at work because I can’t go to the house with girlfriend being there, and I can’t go to my house because gas is costing me too much money. I have no money for food, had to tell children they’d have to eat food stamp food at his house, and I’m sad. Can’t seem to ever get it together! Argh.

Some days even two jobs isn’t enough. Rest assured though, Blanket Statements is standing on it’s own, and is self sustaining. Profits from Blanket Statements go right back into the business…I’m not making any money there. Wondering what else I can do…anyone need any candy bars? Websites? Perhaps I take my guitar to the corner with a paper cup??

 

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