Safely under the radar

1 Mar

I know this blog doesn’t show it, but I really enjoy writing. I’ve spent the vast majority of my life keeping things bottled up. Trying not to rock the boat, trying not to be judged, basically staying safely under the radar. I was always the “backstage” girl. The “behind the scenes” person. I made things happen, just no one knew who I was. Which is fine by me, really. I’m not a spotlight seeking person. I’m actually a little wigged out about having my name and photo in the newspaper. I’m just not that person.

But I do enjoy writing, especially in an anonymous blog-type fashion. I’ve had a private blog for about 5 years now. One of my friends who knows about it says it will be a book someday. I enjoy being able to write about things that I enjoy, and the things that grate on my nerves. I hope you will allow me the indulgence to continue that here in a more public fashion.

Today I am having a low energy day. Perhaps a bad day, but I’m trying to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. I have found that dwelling on negatives just brings about more of them. And the last thing I need is more negative. But I find the low energy days something of a curiosity. I’m trying to figure out what brings them on. Is it hormonal? Is it stress related? Sometimes there seems to be a trigger, like something someone said — I tend to react way too strongly to other people’s judgments. Sometimes there just doesn’t seem to be a reason for them though.

I have noticed almost invariably, that nights that I am involved in school board meetings are bad for me. They are an enormous energy drain on me. (For those that don’t know, I do work for a local school district as my day job). Today is a board meeting day. Usually, though, I am not drained until after the meeting. Nine, ten o’clock or so. Today, it’s been from the get-go. I can literally feel the strength leaving me.

So in an attempt to plug the drain, so to speak, I have put on headphones to blast some high energy music and will consume myself in coding and balancing budgets, etc. I am hoping that those activities, in addition to this blog post, and reflecting on my gratitude for how my life is going will give me strength to make it through today. I have much to be thankful for — I am in my own home, I have a job, today my car started, and I got a letter from a bill collector that wasn’t mean spirited. I have a warm cup of coffee, I’m surrounded by people I love, and my office is spider-free. I do lead a blessed life.

I would love to hear suggestions from others as to what they do to lessen the low energy days. Music is a biggie for me – what do you listen to if it works for you also?

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